10. Temporarily move into their offices.
9. Tell my co-workers they left me in charge and delegate my responsibilities.
8. Have a contest with co-workers doing Kimberly/Debbie impersonations.(First prize: day off while co-workers cover your desk. No PTO required.)
7. Make anonymous call to Hawaiian agents divulging their whereabouts.
6. Forward all the office phones/departmental e-mails to their Blackberries.
5. Have Jason's deli deliver lunch every day and charge it to their accounts.
4. Raffle off their chairs.
3. Party !
2. Type up their resignations and forward them to H.R.
. . .And the Number 1 Fun Thing To Do While the Boss and the Boss's Boss Are Vacationing in Hawaii is. . .
1. Turn our cubicles into grass huts and decorate the office with palm trees, hammocks and sand. (Mai Tais not included)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
TOP 10 INTERESTING THINGS TO SEE WHILE HAVING LUNCH AT LUCKY'S
10. Waitstaff without a clue
9. The Clientele
8. The Amazing Prancing-Twirling Waiter
7. New Top 10 Material
6. Ghetto Fabulous Hair Styles
5. DSL-Man proposal to Ghetto Fab Bride-To-Be
4. Flies like honey too
3. Grafiti on walls
2. Co-workers expressions as they read grafiti on walls.
. . . and the number 1 interesting thing to see while having lunch at Lucky's is
1. creative ways to conserve water. (see Amie or Mindi for details)
9. The Clientele
8. The Amazing Prancing-Twirling Waiter
7. New Top 10 Material
6. Ghetto Fabulous Hair Styles
5. DSL-Man proposal to Ghetto Fab Bride-To-Be
4. Flies like honey too
3. Grafiti on walls
2. Co-workers expressions as they read grafiti on walls.
. . . and the number 1 interesting thing to see while having lunch at Lucky's is
1. creative ways to conserve water. (see Amie or Mindi for details)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
TOP 10 PERKS ASSOCIATED WITH BEING ON COLEMONT'S CORPORATE RELAY TEAM FOR THE WHITE ROCK MARATHON
10. Healthy Lifestyles Points
9. Who needs a Wheaties(R) box when you can have your pic on Fixed Asset Software AND C-Net.
8. Running does a body good.
7. Hob-Nobbing with Colemont Execs.
6. "I'm training for a marathon" sounds so athletic.
5. You can ride to the finish line in a heated minivan
4. Opportunity to pitch Marshall ideas for converting the 4th floor breakroom into a "coffee lounge" with a glass floor.
3. Shane volunteered to run all of the hills.
2. Running on the "Elite Team" will impress coworkers.
. . . and the number 1 Perk Associated with Being on Colemont's Corporate Relay Team for the White Rock Marathon is:
1. Red and Green Merry Christmasy Unitards !
9. Who needs a Wheaties(R) box when you can have your pic on Fixed Asset Software AND C-Net.
8. Running does a body good.
7. Hob-Nobbing with Colemont Execs.
6. "I'm training for a marathon" sounds so athletic.
5. You can ride to the finish line in a heated minivan
4. Opportunity to pitch Marshall ideas for converting the 4th floor breakroom into a "coffee lounge" with a glass floor.
3. Shane volunteered to run all of the hills.
2. Running on the "Elite Team" will impress coworkers.
. . . and the number 1 Perk Associated with Being on Colemont's Corporate Relay Team for the White Rock Marathon is:
1. Red and Green Merry Christmasy Unitards !
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
TOP 10 SURE FIRE SIGNS YOU MAY BE CAUGHT IN A NORTH TEXAS STORM
10. Local meteorologists predict 30% chance of rain.
9. An hour before lunch it begins to look like midnight outside.
8. Oak trees bending in ways they normally don't
7. Subtle cracking/popping/pinging sounds coming from conference room windows
6. KathieLewis(Office Mgr) walks through and suggests that everyone stay away from the windows.
5. On the P.A system, Bldg Security announces,"If you are in an office or conference room with exterior glass, please leave the room and close the door behind you"
4. Doppler Radar on Fox Storm Tracker shows your current location in RED.
3. 70mph straight line winds.
2. Mindi "The Weather Girl" Chappell predicted it.
. . .and the number 1 sure fire sign that you may be caught in a North Texas Storm is:
1. The power in your office bldg goes out and you have to eat your lunch in the basement by emergency lighting.
9. An hour before lunch it begins to look like midnight outside.
8. Oak trees bending in ways they normally don't
7. Subtle cracking/popping/pinging sounds coming from conference room windows
6. KathieLewis(Office Mgr) walks through and suggests that everyone stay away from the windows.
5. On the P.A system, Bldg Security announces,"If you are in an office or conference room with exterior glass, please leave the room and close the door behind you"
4. Doppler Radar on Fox Storm Tracker shows your current location in RED.
3. 70mph straight line winds.
2. Mindi "The Weather Girl" Chappell predicted it.
. . .and the number 1 sure fire sign that you may be caught in a North Texas Storm is:
1. The power in your office bldg goes out and you have to eat your lunch in the basement by emergency lighting.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
TOP 10 CANDIDATES TO REPLACE MY EXPIRING VANITY PLATES
10. OMG ML8
9. H8 2 W8
8. QTP2T
7. 2 D BANK
6. Y N V ME
5. 1DFUL1
4. O 2 B ME
3. MY PL8Z
2. I CAN D
. . . and the number 1 Candidate to Replace My Expiring Vanity Plates is:
1. OMG MOV
9. H8 2 W8
8. QTP2T
7. 2 D BANK
6. Y N V ME
5. 1DFUL1
4. O 2 B ME
3. MY PL8Z
2. I CAN D
. . . and the number 1 Candidate to Replace My Expiring Vanity Plates is:
1. OMG MOV
Thursday, May 15, 2008
TOP 10 CREATURE SOUNDS HEARD COMING FROM ADJOINING CUBICLE DUE TO ANIMALISTIC TURRETS SYNDROME
10. Grrrrr!
9. Neighing Horse (usually directed at Mindi)
8. Hungry Moose
7. Clubbed Harbor Seal
6. Angry Cow with Rabies
5. Rhino with gout
4.Water Buffalo with Down Syndrome
3. Wounded Targ (for Trekkies only)
2. Astmatic Hyena (heard only when laughing)
. . . And the number 1 creature sound heard coming from the adjoining cubicle due to animalistic turrets syndrom is.
1. Tazmanian Devil (on crack)
P.S. for non Trekkies:
The targ (in Klingon Language: targh) is a boar-like beast with sharp tusks. It is native to the Klingon homeworld Qo'noS. Klingons both hunt the animal and keep it as a pet. Both the heart and the lungs of the targ are considered to be a delicacy.
9. Neighing Horse (usually directed at Mindi)
8. Hungry Moose
7. Clubbed Harbor Seal
6. Angry Cow with Rabies
5. Rhino with gout
4.Water Buffalo with Down Syndrome
3. Wounded Targ (for Trekkies only)
2. Astmatic Hyena (heard only when laughing)
. . . And the number 1 creature sound heard coming from the adjoining cubicle due to animalistic turrets syndrom is.
1. Tazmanian Devil (on crack)
P.S. for non Trekkies:
The targ (in Klingon Language: targh) is a boar-like beast with sharp tusks. It is native to the Klingon homeworld Qo'noS. Klingons both hunt the animal and keep it as a pet. Both the heart and the lungs of the targ are considered to be a delicacy.
Friday, March 14, 2008
TOP 10 REASONS I SHOULDN'T GO SNORKELING
(As told by Deb)
10. The catamaran is a great place for catching a tan
9. Floating around in fish poop...need I say more?
8. Saltwater is very harsh to my delicate self
7. I can see tropical fish in a tank any time
6. If I can't wear my glasses, I can't see the fishies
5. I am not bait
4. Objects in the water may be closer than they appear
3. My snorkel gear doesn’t match my swimsuit
2. My dive fins make me look fat
. . . .And the number one reason I shouldn’t go snorkeling….
1. Hello, am I the only person who watches “Shark Week” on the Discovery Channel?
10. The catamaran is a great place for catching a tan
9. Floating around in fish poop...need I say more?
8. Saltwater is very harsh to my delicate self
7. I can see tropical fish in a tank any time
6. If I can't wear my glasses, I can't see the fishies
5. I am not bait
4. Objects in the water may be closer than they appear
3. My snorkel gear doesn’t match my swimsuit
2. My dive fins make me look fat
. . . .And the number one reason I shouldn’t go snorkeling….
1. Hello, am I the only person who watches “Shark Week” on the Discovery Channel?
Thursday, March 6, 2008
TOP 10 THINGS I CAN DO IN ADDITION TO WALKING TO HELP MY CHALLENGE BUDDIES TAKE FIRST PLACE IN THE HEALTHY LIFESTYLES CHALLENGE
10. Wash my car.
9. Wax my car.
8. Wash my Mom's car.
7. Wax my Mom's car.
6. Vaccuum out my Mom's Car
5. Wash my cousin's car
4. Wax my cousin's car
3. Give Maria the week off and vaccuum my ENTIRE apt.
2. 1 hour workout at 24Hour Fitness.
. . . . . and the number 1 thing I can do, in addition to walking, to help my challenge buddies take first place in the healthy lifestyles challenge is:
1. Crunches Galore . . .600 a day, Baby!
9. Wax my car.
8. Wash my Mom's car.
7. Wax my Mom's car.
6. Vaccuum out my Mom's Car
5. Wash my cousin's car
4. Wax my cousin's car
3. Give Maria the week off and vaccuum my ENTIRE apt.
2. 1 hour workout at 24Hour Fitness.
. . . . . and the number 1 thing I can do, in addition to walking, to help my challenge buddies take first place in the healthy lifestyles challenge is:
1. Crunches Galore . . .600 a day, Baby!
Friday, February 29, 2008
TOP 10 THINGS TO DO AFTER MY 90th DAY OF EMPLOYMENT AT COLEMONT
10. Call Dibuduo and Defendis just to see how the receptionist pronounces the name.
9. Decorate my cube with personal effects.
8. Achieve mastery level on C-Box for X-box(aka 4th floor switch board)
7. Take Judy, my old boss's mother, to lunch.
6. Congratulate Debbie and tell her how lucky she is to have me.
5. Send my recruiter a nice "thank you" plant.
4. Create Uncensored Top 10 lists of Debbie-isms & Amie-isms
3. Smoke my keyboard by shattering Darcy's 140 words per minute record.
2. Brush up on my solitaire skills.
and the number 1 thing to do AFTER my 90th day of employment at Colemont is:
1. Do celebratory "End-Zone-Dance" after spiking my stapler.
9. Decorate my cube with personal effects.
8. Achieve mastery level on C-Box for X-box(aka 4th floor switch board)
7. Take Judy, my old boss's mother, to lunch.
6. Congratulate Debbie and tell her how lucky she is to have me.
5. Send my recruiter a nice "thank you" plant.
4. Create Uncensored Top 10 lists of Debbie-isms & Amie-isms
3. Smoke my keyboard by shattering Darcy's 140 words per minute record.
2. Brush up on my solitaire skills.
and the number 1 thing to do AFTER my 90th day of employment at Colemont is:
1. Do celebratory "End-Zone-Dance" after spiking my stapler.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
TOP 10 REASON WHY THERE WAS ALMOST NO TOP 10 LIST THIS WEEK
10. It's 10:30pm and I just took a Benadryl(R)
9. Rough Draft Top 10 List wasn't P.C.
8. Darcy, Rebecca and I share a brain and I didn't have custody this week.
7. Last week there were TWO top ten lists.
6. Fear of retaliation from the "Bad-hair-ladies"
(aka: Amie & Mindi)
5. Writer's Block
4. Shortage of Clean Humor/Surplus of Ill Humor
3. The Benadryl just kicked in
2. Best source of material (Indimay Appelchay) is out of town
. . . . . . and the Number 1 Reason Why There Was Almost No Top 10 list this week is:
1. The other writers are on strike and I didn't want to be labeled a "scab" for crossing the picket line.
9. Rough Draft Top 10 List wasn't P.C.
8. Darcy, Rebecca and I share a brain and I didn't have custody this week.
7. Last week there were TWO top ten lists.
6. Fear of retaliation from the "Bad-hair-ladies"
(aka: Amie & Mindi)
5. Writer's Block
4. Shortage of Clean Humor/Surplus of Ill Humor
3. The Benadryl just kicked in
2. Best source of material (Indimay Appelchay) is out of town
. . . . . . and the Number 1 Reason Why There Was Almost No Top 10 list this week is:
1. The other writers are on strike and I didn't want to be labeled a "scab" for crossing the picket line.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BREE !!
In honor of Bree's 30th birthday, there will be two Top 10 lists this week.
Thank you.
TOP 10 MINDI - ISMS
10. (on inclement weather) "I've got a horse in my back yard, I'll just ride it on over"
9. (on statement pays) "Uh, don't you mean Satan Pays"
8. (on agents/clients) "That sux for them, but hey, they're the one's who signed the agreement with us"
7. (On humor) "I don't mean to laugh, but it's kinda funny"
6. (On religion) "The last time you sneezed and I blessed you, you ask me if I thought I was the Pope"
5. (On eating healthy) "It's fruit with a little cheese cake"
4. (On her work performance) "I am the Solver of Problems"
3. (On the media) "Big Al and I are destined to be best friends; I think we'd get a long really well"
2. (On NOT stalking Whentworth Miller) "I wouldn't call it stalking him, I'm just appreciating him." "Our first date would be great! Reeses, Scrabble and Starbucks" "Did I mention he would like a woman in accounting"
. . . .and the number 1 Mindi - ism is:
1. (On Romo's ex) "Jessica Simpson has Ginormous Boobs; I think that's why they kicked her out of the church choir)
9. (on statement pays) "Uh, don't you mean Satan Pays"
8. (on agents/clients) "That sux for them, but hey, they're the one's who signed the agreement with us"
7. (On humor) "I don't mean to laugh, but it's kinda funny"
6. (On religion) "The last time you sneezed and I blessed you, you ask me if I thought I was the Pope"
5. (On eating healthy) "It's fruit with a little cheese cake"
4. (On her work performance) "I am the Solver of Problems"
3. (On the media) "Big Al and I are destined to be best friends; I think we'd get a long really well"
2. (On NOT stalking Whentworth Miller) "I wouldn't call it stalking him, I'm just appreciating him." "Our first date would be great! Reeses, Scrabble and Starbucks" "Did I mention he would like a woman in accounting"
. . . .and the number 1 Mindi - ism is:
1. (On Romo's ex) "Jessica Simpson has Ginormous Boobs; I think that's why they kicked her out of the church choir)
TOP 10 THINGS YOU CAN DO THAT JUST MIGHT ANNOY YOUR COWORKERS
10. Send a fax to the phone on their desk.
9. Steal their documents from the printer and when they go back to their desk to reprint them, place them back in the printer and watch the looks on their faces when they come back to find 2 copies.
8. Instead of returning calls, forward all your messages to the person's voice mail in the next cube.
7. Use a wetnap to erase their name from the lunchable in the fridge and replace it with a ficticous name like: "Gunther", "Barbarella" or "Aunt Myrtle"
6. Pick a co-worker, and buy replicas of ALL their work clothes.
5. If a coworker comes to work sick instead of taking a PTO day, follow them around all day and sterilize everything they touch with sanitary wipes.
4. When ever it gets too quiet, pop your chewing gum as loud as you can to fill the void.
3. Eat Taco Bell EVERY DAY! (beans beans, the musical fruit . . . .)
2. Every Friday distribute a witty top ten list for their amusement and enjoyment.
. . . . . . . .and the number 1 thing you can do that just might annoy your co-workers is:
1. Take pictures of your co-workers on bad-hair-days and post them on the internet.
(scroll down)
9. Steal their documents from the printer and when they go back to their desk to reprint them, place them back in the printer and watch the looks on their faces when they come back to find 2 copies.
8. Instead of returning calls, forward all your messages to the person's voice mail in the next cube.
7. Use a wetnap to erase their name from the lunchable in the fridge and replace it with a ficticous name like: "Gunther", "Barbarella" or "Aunt Myrtle"
6. Pick a co-worker, and buy replicas of ALL their work clothes.
5. If a coworker comes to work sick instead of taking a PTO day, follow them around all day and sterilize everything they touch with sanitary wipes.
4. When ever it gets too quiet, pop your chewing gum as loud as you can to fill the void.
3. Eat Taco Bell EVERY DAY! (beans beans, the musical fruit . . . .)
2. Every Friday distribute a witty top ten list for their amusement and enjoyment.
. . . . . . . .and the number 1 thing you can do that just might annoy your co-workers is:
1. Take pictures of your co-workers on bad-hair-days and post them on the internet.
(scroll down)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
TOP TEN REASONS I MIGHT HAVE A LARGE ARIZONA BATCH
10. Phoenix agents actually paid on time.
9. It's all about the Benjamins.
8. Apparently NOI's and NOC's work .
7. Maybe the check really WAS in the mail.
6. Routine new employee hazing.
5. The USPS has been hoarding checks since Christmas.
4. They don't wanna mess with the PDL Guru.
3. I don't like to waste time posting anything under a quarter mil.
2. The Arizona, NOC & SOC offices are engaged in a game of musical lockboxes.
. . . . . . . and the number 1 reason I might have a large Arizona batch.
1. In her collection calls, Darcy makes references to her baseball bat and knee caps.
9. It's all about the Benjamins.
8. Apparently NOI's and NOC's work .
7. Maybe the check really WAS in the mail.
6. Routine new employee hazing.
5. The USPS has been hoarding checks since Christmas.
4. They don't wanna mess with the PDL Guru.
3. I don't like to waste time posting anything under a quarter mil.
2. The Arizona, NOC & SOC offices are engaged in a game of musical lockboxes.
. . . . . . . and the number 1 reason I might have a large Arizona batch.
1. In her collection calls, Darcy makes references to her baseball bat and knee caps.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
TOP 10 REASONS COLEMONT IS BETTER THAN MY LAST JOB
10. Three Letters: P.T.O.
9. The word “Bonus” is not considered blasphemy.
8. Tuition Reimbursement
7. 50% of Gym Membership Paid by CBG
6. Free Employee Bus Passes
5. Taco Bell is 3 blocks away.
4. You can listen to Kenny G while having a bowel evacuation! (Kenny G. . . . how appropriate)
3. 25 cent Big Reds !!!!
2. The Boss Lady makes a mean sausage ball.
. . . . . . .and the number 1 reason Colemont is better than my last job
1. Free I-Pods for new employees !
9. The word “Bonus” is not considered blasphemy.
8. Tuition Reimbursement
7. 50% of Gym Membership Paid by CBG
6. Free Employee Bus Passes
5. Taco Bell is 3 blocks away.
4. You can listen to Kenny G while having a bowel evacuation! (Kenny G. . . . how appropriate)
3. 25 cent Big Reds !!!!
2. The Boss Lady makes a mean sausage ball.
. . . . . . .and the number 1 reason Colemont is better than my last job
1. Free I-Pods for new employees !
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